Team 0 Christmas Special
by balthazarskullduggery
Summary: Team 0 decides to have a normal, quiet Christmas...


**Christmas with Team 0**

"Merry Christmas, everyone!" Dairuko greeted as he entered Itachi's house.

"Merry Christmas, Dairuko." Itachi said.

"Wait… I'm the only one here."

"That's because you're early."

"Wait, what? How early?"

"Early enough that you can help me get everything ready for the party."

"Oh man, fuck." Dairuko said then let out a heavy sigh. "Alright, I'll help, but only if I get to take the first bite."

"I can live with that, just leave enough for everyone else."

"Who _is_ everyone else, by the way?"

"Natsuki, Jiraiya-sensei, Shizune-san and Tsunade-sama... and Ton-ton."

"The pig that Shizune carries around? That's its name?"

"Yes, that one."

"Nice and small. I like it. What's first?"

"I'll cook and you can start decorating."

"Yes sir!" Dairuko exclaimed and saluted.

"The decorations should be in the storage room down the hall on the left."

"Right-o." Dairuko said and went to get the decorations.

"You do know how to decorate a house right, Dairuko?"

"Of course I do."

Itachi started cooking chicken tenders when he heard a knock at the door.

"Dairuko, could you answer the door?" Itachi asked but there was no response other than another knock on the door. "Dairuko!" Itachi called a little louder but there was still no response, so Itachi went to answer the door.

"Merry Christmas, Itachi-kun." Natsuki greeted then handed Itachi his present.

"Thank you, Natsuki, but it's a bit early."

"I know, but I have other things to do before the party and constantly reminding myself that I already bought your present is a sure way for me to forget it quicker, so I figured I'd just drop it off while I remembered."

"Fair enough." Itachi said with a light laugh.

"Do you need help?"

"No, Dairuko and I have this under control."

"Did you just say Dairuko?"

"Yes."

"Good luck, Itachi." Natsuki laughed and walked away, shaking her head.

Itachi shrugged then walked back inside and decided to check on Dairuko.

"Dairuko." Itachi called out then entered the room and found Dairuko hanging upside down by one of the decorations.

"Uh… hey, Itachi, uhm I was just uh-"

"You're stuck aren't you?"

"Yes…" Dairuko sulked and Itachi cut him down.

"I'll take care of it." Itachi sighed then made a clone that started decorating. He just realised why Natsuki had been laughing.

Itachi continued making chicken tenders then got started on making rice balls when there was another knock on the door.

"I got it." Dairuko said then went to answer it. "Hey, you guys. You do realise it's a bit early right?"

Curious as to who's at the door, Itachi went to the door and saw Tsunade and Jiraiya.

"Hello Tsunade-sama and Jiraiya-sensei, merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Itachi, I came early to let you know that I'm bringing Naruto with me since he doesn't have anyone to spend the day with." Jiraiya said.

"That's quite alright."

"And what about you, Kaa-san?" Dairuko asked.

"I came here to ask if Itachi was stocked on sake." Tsunade said.

"I believe there will be enough." Itachi said.

"Bring some more. Itachi hasn't seen us drink." Dairuko said.

"I'll get my special stash." Tsunade said and left followed by Jiraiya.

"Naruto enjoys ramen right?" Itachi asked.

"Don't know if he enjoys anything else really."

"Hmm, that could be quite troublesome."

"How so?"

"I can't make ramen."

"I can take care of that."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, totally man… you need to trust me more."

"Just get it done, Dairuko."

"Yessir!" Dairuko saluted and left.

' _Dairuko can handle that much at least… I'm sure.'_

Itachi continued his cooking, the chicken was ready and so were the rice balls. He got to work on the sushi and steak even though he personally didn't enjoy steak, when there was another knock on the door.

"Who is it this time?" Itachi said as he walked to the door when it just burst open.

"Hey there, Itachi." Anko greeted.

"Hello, Anko-san." Itachi sighed.

"How you doing, Itachi?"

"I'm a bit busy actual-"

"Sure! Great! I'll stop by for dinner then if you insist. Make me some dango why don't you. Jaa-ne!"

' _This feels like bad luck going worse.'_ Itachi thought to himself before he closed the door and went back to the kitchen. _'Where's Dairuko… I don't have time to wait.'_ Itachi created a series of clones, each one got to work on a different job.

Eventually all the Itachi's were done. The house was so clean Itachi could see his reflection in every surface. Dairuko finally entered the house then, with Ayame and a ton of groceries.

"Merry Christmas, Itachi-kun." Ayame greeted.

"Merry Christmas, Ayame-san." Itachi responded.

"Oh, you've got everything done already man." Dairuko said.

"Where were you, Dairuko?" Itachi asked and noticed that Ayame gave a slight blush but didn't press on that.

"Let me explain." Dairuko said.

 _Flashback_

 _Dairuko was walking down the street on his way to Ichiraku Ramen to ask Ayame or her father if they could teach Itachi how to make ramen but, when he got there, he saw Ayame being harassed by three guys that just wouldn't take no for an answer._

" _I'm sorry boys, I have boyfriend." Ayame said._

" _But we're ninjas at chunin level. We live dangerous and exciting lives." One of them said._

" _My boyfriend is a jounin."_

" _Where is he_ now _?" another boy asked, not believing Ayame's story._

" _He's uh… on a secret mission. Can't say."_

" _I don't believe this 'boyfriend' even exists."_

" _Ohayo, Ayame-chan." Dairuko greeted as he walked in and jumped over the counter to hug Ayame. "Just go with it." He whispered then gave her a quick kiss._

" _Dairuko-kun, what are you doing back? I thought you had a mission."_

" _I finished that quick and easy, besides, you didn't think I'd miss spending Christmas with my one true love did you?" Dairuko smiled and touched Ayame's nose._

" _You're too sweet sometimes, Dairuko."_

" _My sweetness is your weakness." Dairuko smirked and Ayame forced a smile because of how lame that was._

" _Oh, customers, meet my boyfriend I was telling you about."_

" _Senju Dairuko, at your service." Dairuko said as he placed his arm over Ayame's shoulder and heard the boys whispering his last name amongst each other when Ayame's father walked in from the back. "Ohayo, otou-san." Dairuko said casually, which shocked the boys because it meant that not only is Dairuko with Ayame but he is close enough to be able to call her father otou-san._

" _Otou-san now, Dairuko." Ichiraku said._

" _Meh, you've always been like a second father to me."_

" _You flatter me."_

" _It's what I do." Dairuko shrugged then turned to Ayame. "Milady, I require your assistance on a matter most urgent." Dairuko said in his most civilized voice._

" _My kind sir, I do believe you will have to ask my father first." Ayame responded in her own civilized voice._

" _Of course I do." Dairuko sighed. "Otou-san, can I steal Ayame for the day?"_

" _Sure, just make sure to bring her back."_

" _That won't be possible because all three of us are going to a party tonight. So close up early." Dairuko said as he left with Ayame._

" _What do you need me for?" Ayame asked._

" _Not even a thank you."_

" _Thank you, Dairuko."_

" _You're welcome, Ayame."_

" _Now what do you need me for?"_

" _I need you to make ramen for Naruto, he's going to be joining us tonight."_

" _Do you have money?"_

" _I'm sure Itachi has enough ingredients for ramen."_

" _Not for Naruto, trust me."_

" _You are the expert." Dairuko shrugged and followed Ayame to the grocery shop._

 _Ayame and Dairuko continued their shopping until the cart was full of the ingredients for ramen but as Dairuko reached for the last pack of noodles, Akimichi Choza grabbed it at the same time._

…

" _Hey Choza." Dairuko said not letting go of the noodles._

" _It's been a long time, Dairuko." Choza said, slightly pulling the noodles to his side._

" _It was good seeing seeing you again, Choza. I'll just be taking these noodles."_

" _I just got back from a mission and I need those noodles to make my after-mission meal."_

" _And I need this for a Christmas party… you gotta think of whose is more important here."_

" _GIVE ME MY NOODLES!" Choza exclaimed as his giant hand threw Dairuko across the room into the vegetables section._

 _As Dairuko got up he realised that he dropped the noodles directly between him and Choza. Choza realised this too and quickly performed his spiky boulder jutsu and rolled toward the pack of noodles. Dairuko, in response, ran as fast as he could and managed to grab Choza but Choza kept moving causing Dairuko to slowly slide toward the noodles._

 _Dairuko stabilised his footing then punched Choza three times, then felt Choza slow down allowing Dairuko to land one more punch and ram Choza before throwing him through the ceiling._

" _Dairuko…" Ayame trailed off and pointed at Dairuko's foot that had crushed the pack of noodles._

" _Well… shit!." Dairuko said. "I guess we better go down the street then."_

 _End flashback_

"And then we went down the street for noodles." Dairuko ended.

"Why didn't you do that in the first place?" Itachi asked.

"I clearly grabbed the packet first and I sure as hell wasn't about to give it up over some sob story!"

"Dairuko, I sometimes wish I knew how your mind works."

"Itachi-kun, where's the kitchen?" Ayame asked.

"Straight through there." Itachi pointed to the door and she made her way toward it, followed by Dairuko with the ingredients.

"Hey, Itachi, where's the tree?" Dairuko asked as he came back from the kitchen.

"Tree?"

"Yeah, the Christmas tree."

Itachi face-palmed. "I was supposed to pick it up earlier but I got preoccupied with the cooking, cleaning and decorating."

"Tsk tsk, Itachi, you should really prioritise better… let's go get your tree if it's still there."

Itachi resisted the urge to call Dairuko out on leaving him to pick up the latter's slack and they left.

"Try not to burn the house down while we gone, Ayame." Dairuko joked and followed Itachi out the door.

* * *

Dairuko and Itachi walked to retrieve the last Christmas tree but when they looked around they saw quite a few ninjas eyeing the same tree. Among those ninjas were Gai and Lee; Neji and Hinata; Kiba and his sister Hana and mother Tsume with their dogs; and Kotetsu and Izumo.

"You gotta fucking be kidding me." Dairuko said then he and Itachi exchanged a glance but, before Dairuko could open his mouth, Itachi charged forward however, Dairuko grabbed him. "Damn it man, that's not what the glance meant!" Dairuko said and let out a breath. "now go wait outside, Itachi."

"Dairuko, every year we miss the opportunity for a normal Christmas and now when things are finally going as according to plan as they can, we're going to lose the tree. I think not!" Itachi ranted uncharacteristically.

"Listen, let me deal with this. I'm an excellent negotiator, we know this, now just go wait outside." Dairuko said. Itachi sighed and calmly walked away. Hana, who had witnessed the little charade, did the same. "Okay, everyone, let's be adults about this. I'm sure we can all come to an agreement." Dairuko said as he walked towards the tree. "I stand here before you all to explain something…" Dairuko didn't say another word, just lifted the tree and threw it toward Itachi, who grabbed it and started running, causing almost everyone to give chase.

"Should we get involved?" Kotetsu asked.

"We have an Uchiha, a Senju, the green duo, two Hyuuga's and the Inuzuka clan… I don't think so." Izumo answered.

"Wanna go find another tree?"

"Sure." Izumo answered, and the two left in the opposite direction of the chase.

As the chase went on, Dairuko caught up to Gai and Lee, then put his and Itachi's unspoken yet known plan into action.

"I bet I'll get to Itachi before either of you two." Dairuko said.

"Your challenge has been accepted!" Gai exclaimed then picked up speed followed by Lee and Dairuko, but eventually Dairuko fell behind and stopped then took a back alley shortcut.

 _'Suckers.'_ Dairuko smirked.

While Itachi ran, he knew that the hardest part was going to be losing the Inuzuka's since they were born trackers. Even though Itachi was faster than them, an extended chase wasn't in his favour since he was carrying a Christmas tree and running at full speed, it can tire one out quite fast.

"Tunnelling Fang!" Kiba exclaimed then launched forward in a whirlwind and grabbed the tree from Itachi who, along with the tree, puffed into smoke leaving only his jacket behind.

"Damn it! He made a clone and gave it his jacket so it'll share the same scent as him." Tsume said. "Kuromaru, search." She ordered and her ninja hound sniffed Itachi's jacket then took off straight ahead, followed by Tsume and Kiba.

Neji had his Byakugan active and was able to see through the Itachi clone causing him to abandon the chase, but it didn't take long before he found Itachi again in the back alleys. Being a genius, Neji predicted Itachi's path and decided to successfully cut him off.

"Uchiha Itachi… give me the tree." Neji said and Hinata added meekly. "Please."

"Hyuuga Neji and Hinata-sama… I'm afraid I can't let you have this tree." Itachi said calmly then both he and Neji gave each other a death glare.

"Dairuko on the scene!" Dairuko announced then he saw Itachi and Neji having a super intense staring competition. "Ah crap."

 _Meanwhile_

"Gai-sensei, I believe we have lost Dairuko-san." Lee stated as he and Gai stopped.

"It seems you are right, my young student… perhaps we should wait for him to catch up before we continue our race." Gai said.

"But wouldn't now be a good time to finish the race and win?"

"No! There is no victory if your opponent does not stand a chance and currently, Dairuko does not, so until he has sufficiently caught up will we continue."

"Gai-sensei, you are so wise and fair!" Lee cried as he wrote in his notebook that he carried around.

 _Back to the action_

Hinata was about to wave her hand in front of Neji's face because neither he nor Itachi had blinked since they had started staring, but Dairuko grabbed her hand.

"Don't do it, Hinata." Dairuko said.

"Why not?" Hinata asked.

"Anything caught in the middle of this gaze will die." Dairuko said gravely and almost as if on cue, a bird flew in between Neji and Itachi and just fell to the ground- dead. "See? But don't worry, I have a plan, just wait here." Dairuko walked to Itachi and softly said something to him and Itachi replied with a simple "Hmph."

Dairuko walked back to Hinata while Itachi closed his eyes slowly. Dairuko patted Hinata on the head then said. "Hinata… this might sting a bit." Dairuko clashed two kunai together with a flash bomb connected to it, which caused a blinding white light that successfully blinded Hinata and Neji. Dairuko and Itachi ran like the wind.

"Hinata-sama!" Neji exclaimed as he frantically tried to find Hinata until he finally grabbed her. "Hinata-sama, are you okay and... why is your head so soft?" Neji asked, as his sight returned he saw a feral looking woman and, as he looked down he realised with rising horror that he wasn't holding Hinata's head.

"Perverted little bastard!" Tsume exclaimed and Kiba let go of Hinata to try and hold back his mother.

"Well that worked out better than expected." Dairuko said as he carried the tree to Itachi's place.

"Something doesn't feel right…" Itachi trailed off.

"I hate it when you say stuff like that."

"Hello, Itachi." Hana greeted as she blocked Itachi and Dairuko's path.

"Cause you're usually fucking right… damn it." Dairuko mumbled irritably.

"It's good to see you again, Hana." Itachi said then asked. "How did you get ahead of us?"

"You forget that you showed me all the shortcuts to your house."

"I didn't expect you to remember."

"I have an excellent memory, Itachi. I still remember our first date."

"And that was 6 or 7 years ago."

"7 years."

"You know what? You guys should talk this out and I'll just carry this ol' tree back in the meantime." Dairuko tried casually.

"Drop the tree, Dairuko."

"Yes ma'am." Dairuko said and put the tree down.

"You still enjoy rice balls?" Itachi asked with a smile, changing tactics.

"Did you make them?"

"Of course."

"Then why are we still standing here?"

Dairuko let out a deep sigh of relief, then picked up the tree and followed Itachi and Hana.

* * *

"And that was what Itachi and I did this Christmas." Dairuko ended his story. "What did you guys do?" Everyone stared at Daruko and Itachi.

"Nothing that exciting." Natsuki said.

Before anyone could say anything more, Anko came crashing through the window, but accidentally hit the tree that caught a large amount of the hanging decorations on its way down and almost hit Ayame, giving her a shock that caused her to unintentionally throw ramen into Dairuko's face just as Anko's fireworks went off and set the tree on fire, so Tsunade grabbed the tree and threw it outside.

"Oops…" Was all Anko could say before slowly eating a dango.

"Why did you bring fireworks… you know what? Don't even answer that." Hana said but Anko was about to answer anyway when Natsuki stepped in after healing Dairuko's face.

"Anko-san… just don't." Natsuki said and Anko just sat down and ate her dango.

Itachi sighed, looking around at what was left of his 'normal' Christmas party and all the destruction.

"Well… it still ended up better than last year's." Natsuki laughed and patted his arm soothingly.

 **Credits**

 **Writer: Balthazareskullduggery**

 **Beta: TremblingHands**

 **Special thanks to my beta TremblingHands without whom Team 0 would not exist; FidgetyTwitch who gave me some pretty good ideas that I used and finally Ecchi-senpai for silently judging my work.**

 **An extreme thanks to the people who read this story wish I could write a paragraph that doesn't sound cheesy but I can't so I won't, but thank you guys, truly.**

 **Heyooo this is Dairuko wishing all my fans and fangirls *wink* Merry Bashday- I mean belated Christmas and a Happy New Year. See you guys next year for the last chapters of Team 0 then again in June for Team 0 Shippuden.**

Dairuko was on his way home when he saw Gai and Lee just standing there.

"What's up, you two?" Dairuko asked.

"Nani?!" Both the green clad ninja exclaimed.

"Ah I see what happened. You guys thought you left me behind, but in actual fact I ran pass you both so fast you didn't even see me!" Dairuko said, then carried on walking.

"Lee! You and I are going to run 1000 laps around the village before the sun rises!"

"Hai, Gai-sensei!"

 _'Such characters.'_ Dairuko thought to himself with a smile.


End file.
